you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
