so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
