Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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