dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
