Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
