Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
