She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
