Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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