just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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