Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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