we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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