She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize