what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
