it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
