Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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