Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
