I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She even gives head with a lisp.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
