this beer tastes like vomit already
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
