he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
