Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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