i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
