hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
