We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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