i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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