I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
