nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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