I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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