Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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