I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
