Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
should my penis look like a turkey
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
