they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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