and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
