I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
