just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm passing your future prison.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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