It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
