So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
