I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
