the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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