I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
