just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
