I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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