My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize