remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
