i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
