if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
