All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
