So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
