i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
