There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
