I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
