i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize