just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
