He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
