My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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