I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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