I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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