Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
