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he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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