Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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