The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
