I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
