I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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