Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
