we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He better not be in your backpack
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
