Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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