I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
tell me about the fingering
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
