take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
