This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
