You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
