U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
