kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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