turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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