i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
