I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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